I am in a funk. Not gonna lie. That is probably why I have not been blogging. That and I kinda hate the whole blogging thing but that is besides the point really. Anyway, I am in a funk. I feel like that is an important thing to be aware of. I am not sure how long it will last or how long it has been going on. Funks are part of life. I am pretty sure for the longest time I really wanted the type of life where everything was perfect, where I marveled at the beauty of the universe and the amazing world around me all of the time. But, that is not always the case. So, when I get in a funk, I ask myself a couple questions. I ask myself:
How’s your practice going? (answer not great) How have you been eating? (answer not well) Have you been exercising regularly? (answer kiiiinda) Have you been nourishing yourself? (answer binge watching charmed on netflix…so nooo) Have you been meditating? (answer…shame)
See there are a bunch of things happening in my environment that can make me sad and down, but I cannot control the outside world. I can only control it’s effect on me. That said, I am not being very good to myself lately. I am choosing easy ways out. I am choosing to give in to my demons not really learning from them. I am aware of this. And sometimes a little letting go of the reins is ok but you cannot become wild with it. I am not a huge fan of the term control, I am a control freak which is probably why I am not a fan of it. Odd how that works. I do not really think we have control over anything but we have this illusion of it. With that said, I cannot think of a better term for what is happening or not happening to me as of late so I will use the term, loosely. What I am a huge believer in is practice. Practice of kindness, practice of yoga, of meditation, of exercise, PRACTICE. I am a huge fan of working towards things. When I fall off my path I feel off. I feel bad. I feel down. And for some reason I still do it. Probably because practice is hard. And sometimes painful.
I guess the reason I am writing this post today is to share that I fall a lot. I fall and then have to get back up and then I fall again. It is very hard and I have been trying for many many years. And I am a yoga teacher. I should be better, right? Nah, I am a human and I can be better. So I try, over and over and over again. You should too. :)