For the past 3 or so years I have been teaching at least 25-30 yoga classes a week. Some of those were over and hour long most were an hour long and all of them were in different places. I live 30 minutes from the closest place (except the new one just down the street, which is exciting). Anyway, if you were to put it all together you are looking at 30 hours of teaching plus close to 20-25 hours of driving a week. During this time the term burn out has entered my vocabulary multiple times and in multiple ways. My soul is tired, my body is tired and stressed (and to be honest I am gaining weight which as a person with an eating disorder and body dysmorphic disorder makes me super sad), I could not sleep enough, or eat as well as I like to and my mind is jumbled. I am burnt out. I teach people to be healthy and true to themselves, to love themselves. But I have not been the best example of that to my students. I kept pushing, it was affecting my own family, my own health my own mission. Even my practice, my most favorite part of my life has fallen away. After many days of teaching many classes I was not even wanting to see my mat. I took up running actually to just get away from all the yoga…but I ran to yoga music so it was a half hearted attempt at best. My lifestyle that at one point was so simple and had so much to do with getting back to nature, to the earth, to my spirit had fallen away and I spent all of my time in cars and running from place to place. I endured multiple car accidents, injuries during training, a lymes disease diagnosis, adrenal fatigue, pulled out my back in a simple lotion applying incident but still I pushed on. I was moody and grumpy and sad and started to really dislike people but still I pushed on. It was not okay. It is not okay. So I had to make a decision, a big one. I decided it was time to cut back my classes, not just by a little but by A LOT.
I am cutting back my classes to 15 a week and it has been a very difficult decision to make. You might be familiar with the term, the devil you know. I understand this level of over work, this level of exhaustion. I am not sure what it will be like to have more free time. If I will feel guilty for not working myself into a stuper. If I will feel like I am not doing right by my family. I have my own goals for this transition, to teach better the classes I keep, to read and learn more on my art, to be able to put together workshops (which I am too tired to do now), to make yoga events, to garden more, cook more, put up more food, to help J with the business, to take care of my family better, to exercise more and to finally get back to my practice!!!!! (you might never know how much I miss my practice, like a missing part of my heart or mind)
Do not get me wrong, 15 classes is still no cake walk but it is going to give me so much more time to be me again. I know that this has been hard on some of my students but I also know that they support me and I am grateful for their love. I have been truly blessed on this journey with amazing students, amazing opportunities, amazing challenges. I promise to get my updated schedule up and running soon. All of the changes will take place this August. Until then I hope you will all celebrate the remaining times we have together before the whole thing changes! I love you all.